Bhubaneswar, India – 1995
This was a tape made by Nimai Pandit Prabhu of Gurudeva replying to some questions made by Anuradha dasi. She writes: “I asked him about his feeling pain and about eating devotees remnants.”
Here is what was on the tape:
Srila Gurudeva: Don’t take the remnants of someone who is not a pure Vaisnava. I’ll be very happy when I see you are an example for others. Yes, chanting nicely, blissfully, serving the Lord with love and affection for Guru and Gauranga, yes. That will make me very happy- otherwise how I’ll be happy? You are all my happiness. When I see you then I’ll be happy, yes. My sons and daughters very blissfully chanting nicely serving Guru and Gauranga with love and affection. Then I’ll get so much happiness and pleasure. Then my longevity will be increased.
Nimai Pandit dasa: Your lifespan will be increased by your disciples…?
Srila Gurudeva: longevity will be increased yes. My life span will be increased.
Nimai Pandit dasa: If the disciple is good…
Srila Gurudeva: Yes, otherwise I am feeling such sad sometimes. So distressed, thinking I don’t want to live now. I want to quit this world, sometimes such feeling comes up. When I see you, you are happy blissful chanting nicely, serving with love and affection, develop pure Krishna consciousness so then I’ll be very happy and my lifespan will be increased. Then I feel -Oh no -this is- I am in Vaikuntha! Yes, not in the material world!
Nimai Pandit dasa: So when we are all blissful then you’ll be….
Srila Gurudeva: Yes, yes that way you’ll give me real happiness and pleasure, you’ll be the cause of my happiness or unhappiness, pleasure or displeasure that depends on you.